Girls Poker Night Alex's story
by Reefgirl
Summary: ChallengeFic. The ladies are having their weekly poker game, Alex the Chef scotches some rumours and learns a few things.


Rating: T

Summary: The Girls are having a Poker night

Disclaimer: I own none of the Stargate characters or Lydia Winter she belongs to BiteMeTechie, Crysta Santella belongs to NenyaVilyaNenya and Max Wainwright to Elizabeth Bartlett.

Authors Notes: This is response to a Mary-Sue challenge from Techie, the four of us have been writing Sue fics and our Sue's tend to end up in each other's fics so the challenge is for the Sue's to have a Poker night, each one of us telling a story. This one is an elaboration on a few lines from Cooking with Blue Mary-Sue where the penny drops about Dr Zelenka. Enjoy.

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The weekly girl's poker night is in session. Elizabeth is hosting it this week and the regulars are there, Laura Cadman, Teyla, Miko Kusanagi, Kate Heightmeyer, Alex Ramsey, Dr Lydia Winter, Dr Crysta Santella and Max Wainwright. Money is not acceptable betting material at girl's poker night, candy is the recognised currency here, occasionally earrings are accepted and the odd pair of stockings.

"Fold" said Kate Heightmeyer

"Yep fold for me too" said Laura

"And me" said Miko

"Alex?" said Crysta

"I'll see your lollypops and raise you a bar of Fruit and Nut chocolate" Alex replied

"Your chocolate and two Snickers bars" replied Crysta.

"I'll see you," said Alex, Crysta laid down an eight, nine, ten of diamonds and a pair of fives

"Hah Royal Flush" said Alex as she laid down the ace, king, queen and jack of hearts and collected up her winnings "thank you ladies".

"If you eat that lot you'll be sick," said Max Wainwright

"There speaks the Kindergarten teacher," said Elizabeth with a laugh

"Yes Nanny" said Alex with a grin.

"Anyone want more beer?" said Laura getting up, there was an affirmative chorus from the women and Laura came back with her arms full of beer,

"Is it true that you threatened to lock Dr McKay in the freezer until his balls turned blue and dropped off?" said Max to Alex. Alex chuckled

"Yes it's true, I'd only been here a week and the kitchen equipment wasn't working properly. McKay was ignoring our calls for help so I paid him a visit and told him if he didn't get his ass up to the kitchen and fix the equipment I was going to lock him in the freezer until his balls fell off, I've left the effing and blinding out of story of course". Alex's bad language was legendary, even the Marine's had blushed when she'd threatened them "The coward sent Dr Zelenka down to fix the problem, but my threats came back and bit me on the ass a week later when I got trapped in the freezer with McKay. God I didn't know someone could whinge so much, I nearly whacked him over the head with a bag of steak," said Alex. Crysta and Lydia snickered

"Dr Zelenka volunteered for that assignment," said Lydia

"Well he did tell me he knew better than to upset the chef, said it was something he learned early on in the Army" replied Alex as Miko chuckled

"And I suppose he told you to call him instead of Rodney when there was a problem in the kitchen" she said

"Yeah but I would have done that anyway I think McKay wanted to spend as little time with me as possible" Alex replied as there was more giggling.

"What?" said Alex

"Nothing" said Elizabeth with a grin,

"I'm more interested in the rumours about you flirting with Major Lorne on your recent trading mission," said Laura slyly.

"I did not," said Alex indignantly "it was just friendly banter, anyway he started it" Alex took a swig of beer

"I heard he asked you to strip off for him," said Kate

"He did not, I was taking off the shirt I was using as a jacket and he said 'don't stop there Chief', I said 'In your dreams' and it kinda went on from there" Alex retorted as she unwrapped a lollypop and started to suck on it

"I can give you an explanation about why your subconscious is making you do that" said Kate with a smirk. Alex quickly took the lollypop out of her mouth

"What is this, pick on Alex day?" she replied "I do not fancy Major Lorne, I went through my shagging soldiers phase when I was in my early twenties thankyouverymuch. Of course if he knocked on my door at three in the morning dressed in just his boxers and boots with a rose in between his teeth; I wouldn't turn him away but I do not fancy him". Alex picked up the cards and started to shuffle them "while we're on the subject of Major Lorne; is there a problem between him and Dr Zelenka?"

"Not that I know of" said Elizabeth

"Radek isn't the type to hold a grudge," said Lydia and Miko agreed with her.

"Why do you want to know?" asked Kate

"Well when we were on that mission I saw Dr Zelenka give the Major some _really_ evil looks, real death glares," said Alex. Santella, Winter and Miko tittered "what?"

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" said Kate

"Figured what out?" retorted Alex

"I believe Dr Zelenka is jealous of your affection for Major Lorne," said Teyla. Alex's hands slipped, the cards shot up in the air and came raining down on the table

"What?" gasped Alex turning red

"Dr Zelenka has the hots for you, he was jealous of your banter with Major Lorne," said Crysta

"He was in a foul temper for days," said Elizabeth laughing. Alex slumped forward and banged her head on the table

"How could I have been so dense" Alex moaned "I thought he was just being nice, I had no idea he was...you know...oh God how many more people know about this"

"I believe Colonel Sheppard has a betting pool to see how long it would take you to realise," said Teyla

"Why am I not surprised?" wailed Alex.

"Suck it up and deal" said Laura "I want those chocolate lollypops back and Alex sat back up, picked up the cards and dealt.

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**AN:** To understand this you really need to go and read Cooking with Blue Mary-Sue

Yes, I really did have a Shagging Soldiers phase in my early twenties

Hands up who wouldn't turn Lorne away dressed in Boxers and boots

Look out for more Sue Poker nights to come from BiteMeTechie, NenyaVilyaNenya and Elizabeth Bartlett


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